


The Young And The Hopeless

by thorkified



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brothers to Lovers, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), M/M, Mpreg, Secret Relationship, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 15:38:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16705144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Loki knows he is different, but finding out he can become pregnant, simply because he is a Jotun, isn't something he can deal with easily. After believing he finally accepted this part of himself, though, his father breaks the worst news possible to him: Loki is supposed to get married to a man he never met. Terrified and helpless, Loki turns to his brother, who he was always close to, and Thor promises to do all he can to help Loki prevent this marriage. When plan after plan fails, however, and Loki finds out that the Grandmaster - the man he is supposed to marry - only wants him to bear his children, they realize there is only one way to end this.





	The Young And The Hopeless

After Thor and Loki leave the study, the younger prince feels nauseous and kind of wobbly. Thor is still talking with the tutor about their latest lecture, but Loki wants nothing more than to forget every single word he heard. Not only are they still learning about Jotunheim and the Jotuns themselves - which should be interesting for Loki, given he learned about his true heritage a few years ago - now they have moved on to the Jotun biology too and he doesn’t like it. Not even a bit.

While Thor is eager to find out more, Loki wants to disappear into thin air with every new information he gets, especially today. They had to learn about Jotun reproduction, of all things, and as soon as his brain fully processed the fact that there were no women in his race and that the men gave birth, his stomach had decided to rebel and turn against him.

Today, Loki doesn’t wait for Thor before leaving, almost running away to the next bathroom he could find. It feels like he’s about to throw up his breakfast, but he quickly realizes that nothing will happen, that the heaving won’t lead anywhere and that the feeling of someone twisting his guts isn’t going away as he had hoped. He stays locked in there for over half an hour, waiting for his body to stop whatever it’s doing to torment him like this.

When he finally leaves again, after washing the sweat and a few tears off his face, Loki feels like he could lay down in his bed and sleep for weeks. Until now he never really thought of his heritage as a burden, even if it makes him different from everyone around him. But now, he wants nothing more than to just be like Thor: an Asgardian without those horrible genetics that make everything so much more difficult than he wants them to be.

During dinner, Loki is awfully quiet and doesn’t listen to the conversations around him. He excuses himself halfway through, telling his parents that he doesn’t feel well and would like to rest, and as soon as he’s alone in his room he crawls into his bed, pulls the blanket over his head and begs for this day to finally end.

The months that follow are some of the worst of his life. Loki tries his best to come to terms with his own biology, telling himself that the fact he could get pregnant doesn’t mean he ever will, but it only does so much to ease his sheer panic about it. There is nothing he can do about it though, he knows that, so even though the fear still stays within him, he begins to accept that this is something he has to live with. He doesn’t talk to anyone about it, simply because it’s such an embarrassing and degrading thing in his eyes that his mouth runs dry the moment he even thinks about it. So, he deals with it by himself, trying to not let his turmoil show on the outside. That only Loki and his family know about his heritage surely plays a huge role in his acceptance of the matter, because it prevents others from mocking him and reminding him of what he hates so much.

Two years later, when he is about to turn sixteen, Loki got over the initial shock mostly and managed to move on from the numbing fear that controlled him for so long. He’s able to enjoy life again and thanks to Thor understanding that Loki didn’t want to talk about his heritage or what came with it, nothing in their relationship had changed. They are still close, they still stir up mischief together that gets both of them into trouble, and Loki didn’t think he could want anything else. Maybe they weren’t blood-related, but if he could ever choose a brother, he would always pick Thor. There was never anyone he trusted more than him.

All of that changes on Loki’s birthday, a day he would never forget, for it turns out to be the worst of his young life. Odin breaks the news that Loki would get married soon, to a man he plans to introduce to him in a few days as he is visiting Asgard. There isn’t much more he says, but if he had, Loki wouldn’t have heard him anyway. He is completely stunned, unable to speak or move or give any form of protest.

Marriage. Odin planned to marry him off to a stranger. Loki. His own son. Even though he was adopted, Loki had expected more from his father than getting rid of him like this as soon as he had the chance.

The rest of the evening is awkward and mostly silent from Loki’s side. He can’t pretend Odin had made a joke because he never does, so all he really feels anymore is an awfully depressing numbness that seems to spread into every limp. When Thor tries to speak to him while he’s on his way to bed, Loki can only shake his head and keep his brother at distance with a hand on his chest. He has no words left in him, can’t even think straight. He just wants to be alone and sleep, forever if that’s a possibility.

A week later, Odin calls for Loki to come to the throne room. Loki knows the reason and wants to do anything but follow his father’s request, but there is no way to disobey. He notices the older looking man in the long golden robe next to his father right away, not raising his head when he comes closer. His mother and brother are there too, so this isn’t just a private conversation, but what did he expect, really?

As Loki fears, Odin introduces him to his future husband, a man that goes by the name of Grandmaster. He’s old, looks strange and somewhat dangerous and just looking at him makes Loki’s skin crawl in ways he never experienced it before. It doesn’t matter that he smiles at the young prince, his smile is that of a predatory hunter, rather than an affectionate man, and it’s so easy to see that Loki wonders if he is the only one who notices it.

Loki tries his best to stay calm and nice, but when Odin announces that in a year, the two who just met for the first time will be married, his facade begins to crumble. Tears glister in his eyes when he searches for his brother, who stands a few feet away and looks equally as shocked as Loki. There is no room for arguing, they are both aware of it. This is what will happen, whether Loki likes it or not, and it’s like a knife in Loki’s heart that just keeps turning.

When the painful and agonizing meeting finally ends - with a kiss on Loki’s cheek from his future husband that feels like the dooming signature on his death papers for the boy - Loki locks himself in his room and can’t do anything but cry for hours on end. He feels so hopeless and lost, like a toy that is being pushed around to see how long it takes for it to break, and he hates every second of it.

It feels like years have passed before Loki hears the quiet knock on his door, followed by a whisper of his name. He doesn’t get up from the bed, but a flick of his hand unlocks the door so Thor can come in. There are no words when his brother sits down on his bed and pulls him into his arms, just Loki’s heartbreaking sobs and tears staining Thor’s shirt. When Loki finally finds his voice again it’s a heavy and trembling sob, not at all sounding like himself.

“Help me, Thor… please…”

Thor holds his brother close, feeling no less lost than him. He rubs his palms against Loki’s back in a vain attempt to soothe the younger one while fighting to keep his tears to himself.

“We’ll find a way out of this… we just have to,” Thor says, without loosening his grip.

Loki can’t believe his brother’s words, even though it’s all he wants to do. The thought alone of leaving Asgard and spending the rest of his life with this creepy man makes him nauseous. He doesn’t want to leave his home, he doesn’t want to be married to a man he doesn’t know and who he can see will turn his life into a living hell.

“I hate him, I don’t want to be his bride…” Loki sobs against his brother’s chest, clinging to him in a desperation that he has never shown before. He’s shaking and crying, unable to calm down or stop his tears, despite trying so hard to end this shameful display of weakness in front of Thor.

“We will find a way,” Thor promises, squeezing his brother tightly against his chest. “Even if it’s the last thing I will do, I won’t let this man take you away.”

Thor does everything in his power to keep his promise, but despite their best efforts, nothing seems to help. In the end, they both poke around in the darkness, they know it. Odin’s word was to be followed, even if it was despised and no matter how much either of them begged and pleaded, he just wouldn’t change his mind.

During the months they try to free Loki from his burden, though, something unexpected and strange happens. They had always been close, but their newfound cooperation brings them even closer, revealing more beneath the surface of their brotherly relationship that neither of them expected.

The first time Thor kisses Loki, after another fruitless attempt to appeal to their father’s mercy, Loki believes he has died and was experiencing his ascend to Valhalla. When he realized it was real, though, Loki’s fear returned once more. He always felt emotionally dependant on his brother, but his current situation worsened this feeling and it doesn’t take long before he realizes it’s more than just desperation and the fear of loss binding them together.

It’s merely three months before Loki’s supposed wedding when the younger prince overhears a conversation between his father and the Grandmaster by accident. He’s on his way to meet Thor in the gardens when he hears a familiar voice, not surprisingly since he had the pleasure - or displeasure, in this case - of meeting the Grandmaster several times by now. Loki can’t help but stop and press his ear against the door, witnessing the crushing truth that was held from him until now.

“He will bear you as many children as you wish,” Odin says, sounding all too pleased with himself. There’s a quiet huff before the Grandmaster answers.

“I expect him to be untouched, can you guarantee that? I don’t want a bride that has been defiled before.”

“Of course he hasn’t been touched yet!” Odin quickly says, words that make Loki’s stomach clench. “He is as pure as he could be, you can use him however you please to ensure that he will be the most useful for you.”

Loki can’t listen any longer, he feels like he is about to throw up any second. Knowing that his father wanted to marry him off as soon as possible was one thing, but realizing that he would be nothing but a breeding device for his future husband is something completely different. He stumbles away from the door, his legs fighting to give him up and his arms barely able to steady him. How he makes it to the gardens eventually he doesn’t know, but Thor already awaits him there and when Loki breaks down in front of him, tears rolling down his cheeks, it feels like the whole world is collapsing around him and he doesn’t have the strength to stop it.

Thor catches Loki before he can hit the ground, but no matter what he does, he can’t calm his brother down in any way. Loki is completely out of himself, sobbing and crying and unresponsive to his attempts at soothing. Eventually, Thor maneuvers Loki back to his room, if only to make sure no one else will witness his breakdown.

It takes hours before Thor finally manages to get through to Loki, hours of kisses, gentle touches, whispered promises and reminders of how Loki is not alone, of how Thor will be with him no matter what happens. Loki’s usually beautiful green eyes are glossy and the fingers curling against his skin are cold and trembling, but Thor keeps holding his brother, trying to be strong when the other couldn’t be.

“He… he wants me to…” Loki’s words are swallowed by the sobs shaking him, showing how painful it is to even make a sound for the younger brother. “To… to bear his… his children…”

Thor looks at Loki for a moment, the words not yet making sense to him. When they finally do though, his eyes widen and he remembers what they had both learned so many years ago. He pulls Loki close again, burying his face against his brother’s neck. Loki’s tears only get worse as he clings to Thor, realizing that this is the first time he ever brings this topic up towards his brother. The embarrassment is strong, but the feeling of betrayal is much stronger and overshadows it almost completely.

After a long time of holding each other, Loki’s tears finally subside, even though the agony inside of him doesn’t. One of the hands that held onto Thor during the last minutes drops, finally drops, catching his brother’s attention. Thor pushes Loki away enough to look at him, finding his eyes empty, almost as if he had zoned out.

“Loki?” Thor asks carefully, more worry mixing with his already extreme concern.

“He wants me pure,” Loki says quietly, like a prayer, without looking at Thor. “He wants me… untouched…”

“Loki? You’re scaring me…”

Thor doesn’t know if it’s the actual fear in his voice that finally gets through to his brother or the words themselves, but it doesn’t matter. When Loki looks at him, he can see his eyes clear up before slightly narrowing.

“He wants my body,” Loki says as a matter of fact, without any emotions in his words. “He… he wants me to... birth his children… pure and untouched…”

“Oh, Loki,” Thor whispers, his sadness and shock more than audible. “I’m sorry you-”

“No,” Loki quickly says, shaking his head. “He wants me _pure_ , Thor… he wants to be the _only_ one to have me...”

It takes longer than it probably should for Thor to fully understand his brother’s words. Because yes, they had gotten closer and not long ago, Thor realized that he actually loves Loki, but this implication makes even him startled and uncomfortable.

“Loki… there has to be another way,” Thor tries, but he knows it’s useless before Loki even shakes his head, he doesn’t need his brother to agree with him. Yes, it’s crazy, but they have tried anything else at this point without making a step forward. There is nothing left.

“I… I can’t ask anyone else,” Loki says utterly apologetic, as if he regrets his words as much as Thor believes he does. “I’m scared, Thor… I’m scared of this man and of what he will do to me… but I’m not scared of you.”

“Loki…” Thor cups his brother’s face with one hand, hurt by the visible torment in Loki’s eyes. He wants this as little as Thor wants it, it’s clear. They only began to grow closer, under circumstances that will ultimately rip them apart within a few months. But there is something else, something that Thor knows is not acted. Loki trusts him, trusts him so much that he asks him to do the unthinkable, despite them knowing they shouldn’t.

“Please, brother,” Loki begs with tears in his eyes. He doesn’t move, doesn’t even touch Thor, but his words cut into him with every last bit of guilt imaginable. “Don’t let this be the way I lose you, please…”

It’s not Loki’s desperation in the end that makes Thor give in, or his tears, even though they physically hurt him. No, what finally breaks his resistance is the sheer realization that he will lose Loki forever if they can’t prevent this marriage and no matter how scared he is himself, he can’t possibly survive knowing he will never again hold his brother or kiss him or tell him how much he loves him.

Time is short and even though they learned that it’s possible for Loki to become pregnant, they don’t know any more about it. So, Loki buries his nose deep in the library books again, this time with Thor’s help, because maybe a general knowledge of these things can help them somehow. It’s awkward and slightly disturbing at times, but they won’t give up.

The first time they actually do it, two weeks later, is way more reserved and shy than they expected. They both never had sex before, apart from kissing and light fondling nothing else had happened between them, but despite the wrong reasons they are both equally excited. At one point, Loki cries because it just becomes too much, because it hurts despite him wanting it not to, but Thor soothes him fairly quickly. It’s not fantastic or great, but it’s not bad either. That he shares this experience with Thor means so much to Loki, he can look past the awkwardness and embarrassment about why they are doing it in the first place, and actually manages to enjoy it for the most part.

Later that night, Loki lays next to Thor, his brother’s arms carefully wrapped around him, finally asking the question that torments his mind ever since this all started.

“What if it works? What if… what if I become pregnant?”

“What do you mean?” Thor asks confused, looking down at his brother. Loki’s eyes are glued to Thor’s chest, avoiding his gaze.

“If it works… if he decides he doesn’t want me anymore… will you?” Loki’s voice is so quiet, it could almost be a whisper, but his words hurt no less this way.

“Why would I not want you anymore?”

“I don’t know…” Loki shakes his head slowly, still not looking up. He fumbles with the blanket covering Thor’s lower half, visibly restless. “I wondered if you’d still want me if I’m no longer to be married off…”

“I’ll always want you, Loki,” Thor says softly, nuzzling his face against his brother’s head. “And if you carry my child, I will want it no less than you.”

Thor’s words take away some of Loki’s doubts, which is more than he expected. He’s as scared of their plan working than he is of its failure, but if he has a choice in it, he would rather carry his brother’s child than be married off to this awful man. All of this brought them closer, but it also made him realize that he needs his brother and that he loves him. None of that eases the humiliation he feels when he thinks about trying to get pregnant, but he knows Thor doesn’t see him as any less for his ability to do so, which helps a little.

Despite their best efforts though, and trying out every possible position and trick they stumble across during their research, Loki simply won’t show any sign of pregnancy. After two months of trying, Loki is too exhausted to believe they will have any success anymore. It’s less than a month before he will be married off and he simply has no strength or hope left in him at this point. Thor tries his best to be supportive, but it’s of very little success.

Things only get worse when Loki meets the Grandmaster once more, for the last time before the big day, and unintentionally overhears his future husband’s conversation with one of his companions. His heart nearly stops when the Grandmaster jokingly reveals his true plans with the boy. Until this point, Loki was under the belief that he would be used as a breeding device and nothing else. This conversation, however, finally reveals the truth. According to the Grandmaster, Loki was no more than a tool that he would dispose of once it had fulfilled its purpose or failed to do so. His ultimate ending was death, no matter what he did.

Knowing this does nothing to raise Loki’s hopes. One way or the other, he knows he is doomed as soon as this ceremony takes place. It seems like, no matter how hard he tries, it’s impossible to escape this man or his fate. All his attempts to conceive a child from his brother to stop this lunacy seem so useless suddenly, as if they were bound to fail from the very beginning. All his desperation, all his suffering, have been useless, he never even had a chance.

Despite knowing he is hurting his brother with it, Loki retreats to his room and refuses to leave it anymore. He realized that, no matter how much he tried, he would never be able to escape the destiny that Odin has laid out for him. He couldn’t conceive a child from Thor, which just makes it clear that something is wrong with him and that he will fail to do the same for the Grandmaster after their marriage. There is simply no way he can make it out of this alive and trying to convince himself that he somehow can, suddenly seems like too much to do.

So, instead of trying to run away, Loki finally submits to his fate. All he truly wants is to stay in Asgard, to stay with Thor, but it can't happen. He can’t keep living in this fantasy, even if it means hurting himself and his brother. Maybe it’s better to simply accept the truth in the end. Thor will be able to move on, Loki is sure of that. Probably not right away, but eventually.

The last month of Loki’s freedom passes without the brothers seeing each other. The night before the wedding, Loki lays in his bed and stares at the ceiling, the urge to burst into his brother’s room more intense than ever before. In a few hours, the maids would come in to prepare him, but he’s anything but ready.

He has barely eaten anything for weeks and it shows; his usually slender but still desirable figure isn’t more than a half-starved thing now, dark bags under his sunk in eyes the first thing visible when he looked at his face and even his hair, which was usually silky and pretty, has turned dull and ugly. Loki knows that he will make a very unattractive bride, but he can’t bring himself to care. If the Grandmaster is displeased with his looks, he might just end his misery sooner. He doesn’t see a downside in it, really.

The day of the wedding is pompous, but Loki couldn’t care less. He allows the maids to dress him in a white gown-like ensemble and to soften, straighten and braid his hair, all while looking out of the windows that lead to the gardens, thinking about how this is going to be the last time he will ever be able to see this. They ask him to inspect himself in the mirror when they are done and Loki just nods, without really paying attention. He knows he looks good, even if he doesn’t feel like it. They could throw a bed sheet over his head and he would still look good, which is nothing that he is proud of any longer. It’s part of his problem, like everything is.

While Loki waits for his big entrance at his own wedding, surrounded by maids and guards to make sure everything goes smoothly, he wishes one last time that Thor would just burst out of the throne room, grab his hand and pull him away. Of course, nothing like that happens. Thor knows as much as Loki does that ruining this wedding will end in a tremendous punishment that neither of them wants. It would be too good to be true anyway.

The brother’s eyes meet for a moment when Loki finally makes his way to stand next to his soon-to-be husband and it’s clear that they both acknowledge the pain and suffering in each other’s eyes. Loki tries his best to crack a weak smile for Thor, but all he can manage is a painful expression that almost screams ‘Please stop this! Help me!’. He is drained, thoroughly, and he simply can’t pretend that he isn’t anymore. There is no joy in his eyes anymore, barely any life, and it’s only obvious to his brother - the one that still cares about his well being and whose attention is all Loki seeks.

Loki barely even hears Odin’s words when he begins to speak. He clutches his own wrists, visibly uncomfortable and distressed, without anyone realizing it. Or maybe they do and they simply don’t mention it - Loki doesn’t know which one is worse in the end. Loki’s head only flies up when he heard his father ask ‘Do you, Loki, son of Odin, take this man as your husband?’ and there is absolutely nothing in him. He knows the answer that is expected of him, but he can’t give it. Tears roll down his cheeks as he stares at the Allfather, begging for a miracle that he knows won’t come.

Suddenly, a loud “Stop this!” echoes through the room and Loki’s head spins around, almost naturally, to find his brother’s devastated and grieving face. “Father, I beg you, stop this madness!”

Loki watches in complete shock how Thor walks over and eventually sinks down on his knees in front of his father, a shadow of the brave and strong fighter Loki knows. With this, Thor gives up all of his dignity, in front of everyone attending Loki’s wedding.

“Father, this can’t be what you want!” Thor says, his sunk over body trembling and shaking. “Loki is your son! Please, don’t let this be the end of him!”

Loki wants to say something, but the words are stuck in his throat. Whatever brought Thor to do this, it will end him in the dungeons for sure - if he’s lucky. He doesn’t understand his brother’s attention, he is too stunned by this sudden change of script to even think straight.

“This is your brother’s fate, you would do better if you accept it,” Odin says with a stern and cold voice, but where Thor would usually listen and comply, he now jumps onto his feet and glares his father down furiously.

“I won’t let you do this!” he shouts and turns around, walking right towards Loki. He grabs one of his brother’s hands, entwining their fingers, and says. “I won’t let you take him away from me!”

Loki feels such an intense wave of affection for his brother that he can’t put his attention on anything else for a moment. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen him in almost a month, or maybe it’s the iron grip Thor holds his hand with, Loki doesn’t know, but he has never seen Thor so angry and determined before. He’s glaring down their father so much it looks as if he will attack him the next moment and for some reason, Loki takes pride in that.

Despite this, however, he can’t watch his brother fall from grace because of him. He covers Thor’s hand with his own, making the older brother finally turn to face him. There is so much more than simple sadness in his eyes when he brings one hand up and cups his face.

“It’s okay, Thor,” he says, his lips jerking but unable to form the smile he wants to give. “You don’t have to do this for me.”

“But I will!” Thor protests without any hesitation, spinning back around to glare at Odin. If anything, his anger only intensified and when he speaks next, he almost shouts. “This isn’t right and everyone knows it! I won’t allow this to happen!”

“Thor, please! It’s not worth it!” Loki cries out and yanks Thor back when he tries to make a move forward. Thor’s eyes are almost frantic when he looks at Loki, like those of a trapped animal and it makes the younger one’s expression soften. “It’s over. It’s too late now.”

Everything around them is silent and all eyes are on them when Thor covers Loki’s hand on his face with his own, a single tear rolling down the mighty god of thunder’s cheek.

“I’m sorry I failed you, Loki…” Thor says with grief, his lips visibly trembling. “I couldn’t give you the child you wanted so badly…”

“No, don’t say that,” Loki returns, the saddest smile on his lips when he caresses Thor’s cheek. “You gave me something so much more precious, every price I have to pay now is worth it. You showed me true love, Thor, and I will never forget that.”

The silence becomes heavy now, nothing disturbing them when they look at each other. Eventually, Thor’s grip around Loki’s wrist loosens and he leans forward to kiss him. It’s one of the sweetest and most gentle touched Loki ever experienced and not even the shocked reactions from their onlookers can take away any of its perfection.

This is it. The end of their short and cursed time of being together. Loki doesn't feel the tears on his face, nor the stinging pain in his chest when his heart breaks slowly. What he can feel though, is Thor's arm wrapping around his way too slim waist and his fingers entwining with his own, and that's all he wants to think about anymore.

Suddenly, the brothers are startled by a loud laugh that makes them pull apart. Thor's arm is still protectively wrapped around Loki's waist as he holds him close, glaring at the Grandmaster, who apparently finds this highly amusing.

“So, incest? Odin, you didn't tell me your sons were this close.” The man doesn't look angry, but Loki can see that there's something dark and furious boiling under the surface. He holds onto his brother's chest, pressing himself as close to him as he physically can.

“Thor! What in the nine realms has gotten into you?” Odin's rumbles, a sound so ominous that Loki's heart stops beating for a second. He doesn't want to look at him, so he forces himself to keep his eyes on the Grandmaster instead. The way he looks at him makes Loki feel like an interesting insect, but it's better than facing Odin's blatant hate and disgust that he can already hear through his voice.

“I will stop this madness you brought upon us!” Thor growls and steps away from Loki, leaving his brother next to the Grandmaster as he approaches his father. It only takes a few seconds before the man leans closer to Loki, whose eyes widen slightly. He wants Thor to come back, but behind him, father and son are shouting at each other and there's nothing he can do about it.

“I wonder if you're just as shy when you're with your brother,” the Grandmaster says, a dirty grin on his lips. “Are you blushing like that when he takes you like a dog? Or do you prefer it on your back?”

Loki tries his best to avoid the Grandmaster's eyes, but he can feel them pierce through him every second. It's clear that the man enjoys the idea of Loki and Thor together and it makes Loki feel more than just a little uncomfortable.

“How much do you enjoy being his little bitch?” The man asks, coming even closer and suddenly laying a hand on Loki's hip. The prince flinches, but he's forced to look up when long fingers grab his chin and turn his head. “Do you like calling him brother in bed too?”

“Let me go,” Loki whispers, trying to escape the Grandmaster’s tight grip. It’s of no use though, the man is strong and Loki’s self-inflicted isolation has weakened him so much he can barely even make an attempt at getting away from him. He hates being touched by this creepy old man, even more now that he knew how Thor’s touch feels.

“I would love to take you right in front of his eyes,” the Grandmaster purrs, lips so close to his own that Loki can feel his hot breath against him. “You would be gorgeous crying for your big brother’s help, wouldn’t you? Knowing he is watching and can’t do anything to stop me. Maybe I’ll take more home with me than just my little bride.”

Loki can feel his heartbeat in his ears, wanting nothing more than for his brother to turn around and see what is going on, but he is held in place and panic tightens his throat too much to speak. No matter how much he wants to make a sound, he can’t. It gets even worse when the Grandmaster’s fingers dig into his back and he pulls the boy against him roughly.

“I wonder how he will feel about you once I knocked you up,” he says way too sweetly for the hurtful meaning of his words that make Loki tense up. “Do you think he still wants you when he knows you are nothing but my breeding bitch? Or do you think he will hostile, knowing you’re carrying my offspring and won’t even touch you anymore? What do you think you’ll do when he looks at you with disgust instead of love?”

Loki lets out a quiet and utterly pained whimper, his chest stinging from imagining any of this in the first place. How can this bastard say such things? How can he find so much joy in hurting him like this? Loki knew the Grandmaster was cruel, but this goes beyond even what he expected from him. He just wants to get away, to leave this place and forget he ever met this man.

Without a warning, the Grandmaster suddenly leans forward and pulls Loki into a harsh, demanding kiss. Loki rips his eyes open and tries as hard as he can to push him back, but it’s of no use at all. The man is too strong and Loki is too exhausted and tired, tears rolling down his cheeks as he wants to disappear into thin air.

When Loki finally manages to break their kiss he lets out a scared, almost pathetic yelp that finally gets his brother’s attention. Thor spins around, only taking a split second to understand what’s happening, and without any hesitation storms towards Loki and the Grandmaster, grabbing his brother’s arm and pulling him away. Loki crashes against Thor’s chest and immediately buries his face against him as Thor wraps his arms around his trembling body.

“Don’t you dare touch him again!” Thor growls, sparks of lightning coming from his eyes and hands that hold his brother. Loki can feel it, like tingling shocks that rush through his body, and forces himself to look up. Thor’s eyes have turned completely white and the sheer raw power he radiates makes the hairs on Loki’s arms stand up. He knows immediately that all anger and fury he has seen on his brother’s face before was nothing compared to what he is facing now. Something in Thor snapped and now he’s not only ready to fight, he’s ready to outright kill and destroy.

“Now, Sparkles,” the Grandmaster says, amusement still in his voice, even though less than before. “You don’t want to cause a scene at your brother’s wedding, do you?”

“This wedding is over,” Thor growls, turning so that Loki is shielded by his body. “You will leave this place now, or I will make you regret ever setting a foot into Asgard in the first place.”

“Thor,” Loki says quietly, a whisper only loud enough for his brother to hear. He’s scared, terrified even, and he knows things will only get worse if they stay here. His fingers curl against his brother’s chest when Thor finally looks down at him. “I want to leave, please…”

“You will not step outside of this room! I forbid it!” Odin rumbles suddenly, causing Loki to flinch again and Thor to spin around. More sparks fly, this time into the direction of his father.

“I’m done listening to you, father! You caused enough damage, I will take Loki away from here now, so you can’t hurt him any further!”

“You are willing to become a traitor for him? To throw away the throne that is meant to be yours?”

“Your throne means nothing to me,” Thor says, with the most disgust and hate Loki ever heard from him. “Loki is worth more than your lies or a million thrones, but you could never understand that.”

When Thor pulls him away, Loki follows without any intent to protest, completely stunned and dumbfounded. They have committed the worst crime possible and he knows that Thor willingly accepted his own exile just to protect him, something that overwhelms his already turbulent mind so much he can barely breathe. Behind them, Odin still rages and Loki can feel the ground beneath them shake, but Thor shows no sign of hesitation. Their father’s anger doesn’t intimidate him, instead, it seems to fuel him in his attempt to leave Asgard.

In a way, Loki knows it was always supposed to be this way. They are about to throw themselves into a life of running, hiding and possible punishment, but when he thinks about it, Loki doesn’t feel any fear. Thor has chosen him over his life as a prince and future king of Asgard. He has chosen their love over the comfort of safety. Loki knows he should stop his brother, should appeal to his common sense because this is just the same madness with a different result, but he can’t bring himself to do it. Even if they would be forced to run for the rest of their lives, if Thor is by his side, Loki knows he can keep going.

\-----

Their escape from Asgard is almost forgotten five months later. After a month of never staying longer than a day or two in one place, Thor and Loki eventually settle down in Vanaheim. Loki is hesitant at first, knowing of Vanaheim’s peaceful relations with Asgard and that rumors would spread about the princes residing there, but Thor assures him they would be as safe as they could possibly be. The hut they live in is close to a small village, which with they have made negotiations with that would guarantee the Vanir’s silence and loyalty towards them.

Neither of them is used to live without the comfort of the palace and servants that take care of their basic needs, of course, but Thor and Loki find ways to support one another. It’s not an easy or luxurious life, they have to work for everything, hunt and make sacrifices, but Loki never complains, even if he has been spoiled for all of his life. Thor is with him, that’s worth all the difficulties they have to face.

Soon, they find a routine that allows them both to relax and feel safe, something Loki never expected to happen again. Somehow, it’s almost peaceful now. He’s not scared anymore when he wakes up, always finding his brother next to him instead of an empty space and even when Thor is gone, he finds himself with a sense of safety. Thor always comes back, always makes sure Loki has everything he needs, even if it means exhausting himself.

It doesn’t take long before they find comfort in each other again, but this time, there is no desperation and fear in it. After their escape Loki was too reserved and scared for affections, always remembering the Grandmaster’s words and expecting them to be found, but now that they have settled down, he begins to relax again. Where he would turn his head when Thor tried to kiss him before, he now gives into his brother’s affections and his own needs, knowing that they won’t be ripped apart again the next second. It’s not that he was ever scared of his brother, as Thor had expected, but it took time to forget what happened.

For a few weeks, Loki actually believes they can be happy like this. It might not be the life they are used to, but it brings him a sense of peace that he never knew before. They laugh, they are closer than ever before, especially emotionally, and Loki has the faint hope that somehow, things might turn out good in the end.

That all changes one morning when he wakes up with an overwhelming nausea that actually forces him outside into the cold, without even thinking about putting on clothes, before he throws up a few feet away from the hut. He’s terrified at first, before telling himself it doesn’t have to mean anything, that he is probably just getting sick, but over the next two weeks, things don’t get any better. Eventually, Loki allows a thought he tried to suppress desperately before, that there might be more to this than an undetected sickness.

Finding out the truth, which is a rather easy task thanks to his magic abilities, throws Loki into another emotional turmoil. Thor is out hunting for the morning, which he is glad about, so he has all the time he needs to process the new found information. He should have known, there’s no doubt about that. After leaving Asgard they never thought about this again, so they had not been careful or in any way aware of the possibilities. Loki knows it’s mostly on him for trying to ignore the truth about himself and for not thinking about the consequences, but that doesn’t matter anymore now, does it? No, not at all. What happened happened, now he has to deal with the result.

When Thor comes back in the afternoon, proudly presenting two deer and a rabbit, he finds Loki in front of the fire, staring into the flames almost hypnotizes. He immediately knows something is wrong and forgets about his successful hunt. Instead, he drops to his knees in front of his brother, gently cupping his face.

“Loki? Did something happen?” he asks worried, his free hand searching for one of Loki’s. “Are you hurt?”

Loki shakes his head slightly, not answering at first. It’s hard enough to even think about it, telling Thor seems like a mountain he can’t possibly climb. Still, his brother deserves to know the truth, especially since he is part of this as much as Loki is himself. So, eventually, he turns his head and looks into Thor’s wonderfully blue eyes.

“I… I need to tell you something…”

“What is it?” Thor is clearly worrying, which breaks Loki’s heart b just looking at him. “Loki, please tell me… what’s wrong?”

Loki takes a deep breath and looks back into the fire, finding it easier to speak without seeing the distress on his brother’s face. “Do you remember what I asked of you to free me from my supposed wedding and how it just wouldn’t work, no matter how much we tried?”

Thor stays silent for a minute, as if it takes a while for him to fully understand the words.

“You mean…”

“I’m pregnant, brother,” Loki says quietly, closing his eyes. He can feel the ache in his chest and it makes it so much harder to speak. “I know this wasn’t supposed to happen, but… it did.”

“Are you sure?” Thor asks, not even remotely as shocked as Loki expected. Loki turns around surprised and slightly confused, finding a face full of joy instead of disappointment. He doesn’t know what to say for a moment and just stares at his brother with wide eyes.

“You… you’re not mad?” Loki eventually gets out, unable to believe what he sees.

“How could I be mad about that?” Thor asks with a laugh before pulling Loki into an absolutely mindblowing and sweet kiss. “Loki, you’re pregnant! You’re carrying our child!”

“But… we never meant to...” Loki chokes on his own words as tears fall from his eyes, the utter relief he feels too overwhelming to put into words. “I never thought you wanted this…”

“I want you, Loki,” Thor says softly, brushing his thumbs over his brother’s tear-wet cheeks with the gentlest smile on his lips. “I love you, don’t you know that? And I told you I would never think differently or love you any less for carrying my child.”

“But like this…” Loki lets out a laugh that sounds more than a sob than anything else and covers one of Thor’s hands with his own. He doesn’t know what to feel, happiness and sadness battle inside of him, with neither of them coming even close to winning. “We have nothing… how is this a good thing to happen?”

“Because you are a good thing,” Thor smiles, pressing a soft kiss on Loki’s lips. “You are my good thing. And I will do whatever I have to do to make sure you and this child will have the life you deserve.”

Loki has no words left in him. He simply throws himself into Thor’s arms, allowing his emotions to get the better of him and sobs against his shoulder. All the numbing and terrifying fear he felt after finding out the truth is fading, leaving nothing but his relief and the utter love he feels for his brother. It’s still too much to speak, too much to think any further than Thor accepting him and not pushing him away for what happened. He has to face the future soon, but in this moment, all he can do is hold his brother and cry from the sheer happiness that is stronger than any fear could ever be.

\-----

“Do you truly think this is a good idea?” Loki asks, his hand gripping Thor’s hand so tight he hurts himself. He looks at his brother, whose face shows nothing but love and the horrible optimism that always seems to be his most prominent trait.

“Everything will turn out just fine, I promise,” he says, smiling gently before squeezing Loki’s hand. “I’m with you. Whatever happens, I will keep you safe.”

Loki cracks a weak smile too, unconsciously covering the growing bulge under his shirt with one arm. He begins to show and it makes him feel very exposed, but Thor assured him multiple times that no harm would come to him and he tries his best to believe his words.

Walking back into the place he spent most of his life in is the hardest thing Loki has ever done. If it weren’t for Thor holding his hand, he would have turned around to run the second he set foot into the palace. He is vaguely aware of the servant’s looks when they pass them and of the guards gripping their weapons tighter, soothing himself by gripping Thor’s hand even tighter and walking close to him. It’s not that he wouldn’t know how to defend himself if he had to, but now he has to keep more than just himself safe and that makes him way warier than he likes.

It’s been a week since Thor brought up his plan to Loki, which at first had absolutely mortified him. Going back to Asgard was the last thing he thought about and that didn’t change when he found out he was pregnant, but Thor was insistent. It was safer in Asgard, both for Loki and their child, because no matter how determined they were, they both knew too little about this situation to guarantee a good outcome. Loki had cried, a lot because apparently, it became the natural thing to do recently, but eventually, he agreed. Thor was right, no matter how much he despised the idea.

Now that they approach Odin’s throne together though, with Thor holding his hand in a prominent and obvious display of their relationship, Loki feel just as vulnerable and lost as the last time he had been here, minutes away from being married to a man he didn’t know and was scared of more than he could say. Thor’s presence only manages to calm him down so much, even though he knows he would kill to protect him.

“Loki, my son!” Frigga’s voice is the first thing Loki hears after they entered the room and before he can even collect himself enough to look at her, he is already pulled into his mother’s arms - an embrace so loving and tight it makes it impossible for him to ignore. He lets go of Thor’s hand to return the gesture, surprised by the wave of affection and love he feels. It’s been years since his mother had hugged him like this and he had no idea how much he missed it until now.

“Mother,” Loki says quietly when she finally lets go of him to pull back. “I’m so happy to see you well.”

“Keep the sentiment to yourself,” Odin says harshly and cold, his angry voice a sound Loki was not at all excited to hear. He grabbed his mother’s arm without even realizing it while looking up at his father with all the fear that he felt towards him.

“We have not come to fight,” Thor begins and Loki watches his brother kneel down and lower his head. “We have not come as your enemies, father, but as your sons. To appeal to your mercy.”

Mercy. The word alone makes Loki’s chest sting. He wants no mercy from his father, from the man who was ready to trade him in for political influence without even blinking an eye. Despite his anger, however, Loki knows better than to voice out his emotions. If it were just about him, he would do it, but it isn’t. This is about Thor too and about their unborn child and he won’t put either of them in danger like that.

“You have committed treason to the throne,” Odin says, glaring at his son. “You have lost my mercy and your title when you decided to act against Asgard.”

“How did he act against Asgard?” Frigga suddenly asks, surprising all three men equally. Loki looks at her in confusion. He never heard his mother speak up against Odin, no matter the topic. But this time, her face shows nothing but determination. “Because he wanted to protect someone he loves? How is this treason, husband?”

“Mother, please…” Loki wants to stop her before she, too, will be punished in Odin’s anger, but surprisingly, the Allfather stays calm and quiet. Instead of addressing his wife’s questions, he looks back at Thor, speaking coldly.

“Why have you come here today?”

Thor gulps and turns his head to look at Loki and his mother. Loki nods weakly, covering his stomach with his hand, which doesn’t go unnoticed by their mother. Frigga looks at her younger son for a moment, before showing the faintest of smiles.

“I am asking for your forgiveness,” Thor says before anyone else can speak, bowing his head once more. “I only did what I had to do to protect my brother, it may have been wrong, but it was necessary.”

“And why should I forgive you or your brother for what you have done?”

“Because if you don’t,” Frigga says gently, taking Loki’s hands into her own as she smiles at him. “You will send away more than just your sons today.”

Neither of them speaks for a long minute, the Queen’s words hanging in the air and weighing on all of them just the same. Loki can’t believe the amount of acceptance he is faced with from his mother, but even more, he is astounded by the sheer love and happiness that radiates from her in every possible way. He didn’t expect her to even realize the true reason for their visit, but this is more than he knows how to handle.

“What is the meaning of this?” Odin finally asks, glaring at his older son when he doesn’t get an answer from Loki or his wife. Thor takes a moment to answer, but before he does, he stands back up and faces his father with every last bit of confidence and pride he has, instead of kneeling in front of him like a peasant.

“Loki is pregnant,” Thor says sternly, not looking away from his father. “He is carrying my child, your grandchild, and I ask for a safe place for both of them. I don’t care how you decide to punish me, but I ask for them to be safe and free from harm.”

Loki tries to hide his blush, but the attempt itself is already useless. Frigga notices and immediately lays a hand on his cheek, making him look at her without any effort.

“I’m sorry, mother,” Loki whispers, knowing that this is not what she ever raised him to be and that she must feel some sort of disappointment. His mother doesn’t, however. Instead, she smiles as warmly as Loki remembers from his childhood - a caring mother who feels nothing but love for her son.

“Don’t be,” she says, pressing a kiss on Loki’s cheek. “I couldn’t be happier to see you two alive and to hear about this wonderful gift.”

“A gift?” Odin barks, making Loki once more flinch at the harsh and sharp sound of his words. “This is a scandal, nothing less!”

“A scandal is the attempt to marry your own son off to a cruel, dangerous man, who you know will hurt him, without showing any remorse!” Frigga says and finally turns around, glaring at her husband. “That your sons even came to you today shows the depth of their love, how can you still be so blind to the truth? What bad does it do to you if you show a little understanding?”

Loki looks over at their father, meeting Thor’s eyes as he does. His brother looks just as surprised as he is, their mother’s sudden resistance against the Allfather’s orders more than either of them expected.

“Loki might not be your son,” Frigga continues, taking one of Loki’s hands into her own as she speaks. “But you raised him yourself, we both did. You would never treat Thor this way, would you?”

“That’s not what this is about,” Odin says quickly, but Loki can see that something is happening. For some reason, the Allfather looks caught, almost ashamed. He doesn’t dare to speak up to interrupt what is going on.

“It’s precisely what this is about!” Frigga replies, her voice turning cold. “You will not send my sons away just because you insist on being right! This will end now!”

Loki blinks confused when Frigga suddenly turns towards him again, showing no sign of the anger he just spoke with to her husband.

“You are always welcome here, Loki,” she says with a smile. “This is your home, no matter what happened.”

“Thank you, mother,” Loki replies, a smile finally showing on his lips too. “I cannot express how relieved I am about your acceptance.”

“No, Loki,” Frigga says, shaking her head. “I am the one who has to be thankful. For having two such incredible and strong sons like you, and for you coming back home. I prayed for this moment to arrive for so long.”

Loki still smiles at his mother when Odin slams Gungnir to the floor and makes all of them turn their heads. The Allfather is silent for a few minutes, examining both Thor and Loki and, later, his wife. Loki already fears for the worst when Odin finally nods and sighs.

“Very well. You shall be welcomed back into Asgard, both of you.”

“What about Thor’s punishment?” Loki asks, without even thinking about it or noticing the glare his brother shoots him. He doesn’t think about himself, it won’t even come to his mind, but that, too, happens unconsciously. “What will happen to him?”

“There… won’t be any punishment,” Odin sighs and it looks like he’s disappointed with that for a second. Loki’s face lights up when he looks at his brother before Odin speaks again. “What Thor has done, what you have both done, won’t be forgotten. But, given the current circumstances, you will both be forgiven.”

Loki barely hears his brother thanking Odin for his mercy. He is pulled back into his mother’s arms for another hug and it feels like a dream too good to be true. Thor won’t be punished, they won’t be thrown out again. More importantly though, there is hope for their child to have a future without constant hiding and struggle.

\----- 

Loki has been terrified of going into labor, of finally giving birth to their child, but thanks to the healers that made sure everything would go well and the support of his mother and Thor, things eventually turn out to be far less traumatizing than he feared. The moment he hears their baby scream for the first time - a healthy and strong voice that drives tears into his eyes - he knows it was worth it, even the fear he had gone through. Thor holds his hand, smiling brightly and with so much pride that Loki can see his love for this child through just that and he kisses him tenderly, whispering encouraging words of how strong he is, of how great he did. It makes everything so much better.

The healers make sure every possible damage is taken care of, all while Thor stays with Loki, refusing to leave his side even to look at their child. “Together,” he says and Loki knows that he wants them to share this moment, one that will never come again and that means so much for both of them. Loki is speechless, still completely overwhelmed by everything and exhausted beyond anything he thought was possible, but the happiness he feels is stronger than anything else.

When Frigga finally walks into the room, carrying a small bundle in her arms and given the honor to present her son’s child to them, Loki immediately noticed the worry that she tries to hide on her face. He sits up, despite the pain it causes him and grips Thor’s hand tighter.

“I have someone who wants to meet you,” Frigga says with a flaky smile as she walks closer and Loki holds his breath. “Say hello to your little girl.”

Loki’s eyes widen when Frigga hands him his daughter, tears shimmering at the corners. The first moment he looks down, he doesn’t see the blue skin, the crown of black hair or red eyes, all he sees is a beautiful baby that is his, that he feels a love for he never thought he was capable of and that he knows he will protect with his life if he has to. He smiles warmly when he takes one of her tiny hands into his, whispering: “Hello, little princess.”

“She’s so beautiful,” Thor says softly, covering Loki’s hand holding the baby’s with his own.

“Is everything alright?” Loki asks and looks up at his mother, frowning suddenly. “Is she sick?”

“No, she’s very healthy,” Frigga smiles, brushing a hand over Loki’s leg. “The healers were worried because she looks different than they expected, but that’s all.”

“I think she’s perfect just the way she is,” Thor says and Loki nods relieved.

“So am I,” he whispers. “She’s absolutely perfect.”

Loki never thought about the chances of their child looking like a Jotun, but he doesn’t feel any shock or disappointment over it. She is still perfect and beautiful and, most importantly, she’s healthy. What else could he ask for?

“Have you thought about a name yet?” Frigga asks, watching her sons share a knowing look.

“Skuld,” Loki whispers, smiling at her. “Because she is the future… she is our future.”

\-----

The first days aren’t easy, but they manage together. Loki is tired constantly, which the healers say is normal after giving birth, but Thor helps him the best he can and makes things much easier. He is completely smitten by their daughter, who demands a lot of his attention when she is awake, but he doesn’t mind.

One morning, however, when Thor is about to look after Skuld, he is faced with a big surprise. When he leans over the crib to pick up his daughter, he finds a blond, blue-eyed child, one with rosy cheeks and the skin of an Asgardian, instead of a Jotun. For a moment he actually stops and blinks in surprise, but when the baby looks at him and squeals in excitement, he picks her up anyway, nuzzling her cheek. He didn’t expect this to happen, but it wasn’t as much of a shock as he thought it was at first, after all.

Loki is just as surprised as Thor, even asking ‘Are you sure you picked up the right child?’ when his brother hands him their daughter, but he knows immediately that Thor did. It’s clear that Skuld is still the same, despite her change in appearance, and when Frigga pays them a visit a bit later they find out that Loki made this change himself after Odin found him, so there is nothing to worry about. Until Skuld changes again. And again.

Within a month, both Thor and Loki got used to their daughter’s shifts in appearance, expecting it to happen any time. One day she will look almost like Thor, the next she might look like a little Jotun copy of Loki. It’s always a gamble, but they love her no less because of it. One time, while Loki tries to put her to sleep, Skuld is having none of it and cries uncontrollably, slowly turning blue into Loki’s arms. At first, he’s shocked, believing she might not be able to breathe anymore when her lips start to turn blue, but when it spreads, he knows he is simply experiencing what usually happens when she is alone. Loki actually feels like crying and holds his little girl even tighter, not even minding the cries and screams for the moment.

It becomes clear very soon that Skuld won the hearts of everyone who ever met her. She’s curious, happy and an overall utterly lovely child that melts everyone’s resistance. After some time, she even seems to do the same to Odin. It’s just a small smile that vanishes again as soon as it appeared, but Loki notices it and he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he will understand one day that he means no harm to Thor or Asgard or anyone else.

No, Loki is simply happy to have found the love he has and to spend his life with his brother and their little princess. It was a difficult way and he often wanted everything to just stop, but when he lays next to Thor at night, Skuld between them, sleeping like a little angel, he knows he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. This is where he belongs, this is all he needs. And one day, maybe even his father would understand it.

  
  



End file.
